september-december 2024.

links to note collections are reverse chronological, notes themselves are chronological.




cigarette in hand and ammunition in mouth

church jeans vs work jeans

make no mistake, there is a difference between a parlor trick and true blue magic. I will remember this til the day I die.

its meaning was lost before records began

first you had me as a friend, and you had me up against the piano with the broken teeth

elegant full-body frisson

I met you in the rain on the last day of 1972

Discovering there’s nothing so bad about Phoenix, MD that moving 300 miles north can’t fix

Yes, you’re very smart, now shut up.

eye makeup messy like mine and espresso-black madwoman eyes not much like mine at all.

Hello, are you alone on purpose

currently, the marks on my stomach are:
-scrape from impaling myself on a tree branch in the dark last night
-small white cigarette burn above scrape drew gave me at chaos computer
-pain star tattoo from edi
-strawberry birthmark on ribs
-various bruises and minor scars

I know their style, they know mine

my traction-less docs have taken me to places many of you wouldn’t go without a cigarette

All alone in space and time
There’s nothing here but what here’s mine
Something borrowed, something blue
Every me and every you

natural blood-stained blond

And as the tightened brakes took hold, there swelled
A sense of falling, like an arrow-shower
Sent out of sight, somewhere becoming rain.

Death abolishes us, but it also individualizes us = you are what you do with your time

the term is found in the name of a ship and in the nickname of a poet.

A lyric like ’Summer, I love you I love you I love you’ looks dumb when written out,” Sheppard said. ”But what we were trying to communicate was the feeling of being free of school obligations. Of it not being dark at four in the afternoon. Of the adventures that come along with going to shows four out of the seven nights a week- hopping a fence at a country club, skinny dipping with 30 of your friends, driving to the all-night diner in North Little Rock to eat corn fritters and drink a milkshake, and then sneaking back into your house at three in the morning.

While heading south on I-95, Everyone Asked About You encountered another group of weird kids in a van. ”They pulled up next to us and a guy held up a notebook in the window that said, ’let’s be enemies,’” Sheppard recalled. ”We held up a sign that said, ’OK,’ at which point they started firing bottle rockets at us.” Beachwood responded with a slice of cake that covered their opponent’s windshield.

Don’t turn your back on the body

with this state of the world, we have so much to be doing drugs about.

the only safe sex is ”if one person jerks off at one end of a room and someone else jerks off at the other, both trying to hit the same spot in the middle of the floor.”

the stars are really going at it tonight

live free & ride

We can meet his folly,
But from his virtues must be runaways.

Circus walk
Bliss strings

you’re my first instinct

but the aviary stained glass windows will not build themselves...

The next time you consider killing yourself, think of entropy

Forgive me
it was illegal
so corrupt
but so super

once you say something true it’s hard to ever take it back

That’s the biggest appeal until the lights dim

o kill kill kill kill kill
those
who advertise you
out)

I am the oldest known euphemism

catching an arrow barehanded

in which a bunch of bourgeois theater kids in the imperial core try to humiliate/fuck/kill each other with the art they make

She’s an absolute terror for absolute territory

You aren’t scared, you’re fantasizing.

I hear converse pounding the cement in the distance, the sound is absolutely gorgeous.

In 1984, his daughter, then 4, provided the last line to his afterword of ”Zen’s” 10-year anniversary edition. It was: ”ooolo99ikl;i.,pyknulmmmmmmmmm 111”.

financial district. past lives. stainless steel. yeah.

If I can’t bring my weird friends then I won’t go

I can hear science moving around in your brain. I can hear it blowing dust out of the corners. It’s all keep it riding. Spend cash. Remain wasted. Do sudoku. Think of numbers at night. Numbers and the future. There is a logical progression to each sentence that follows. I came over and you were like skittering around on the ceiling, infrared light in your railroad apartment. The TV was on. Blair Witch was playing. That was my day. I discreetly and perfectly put my stuff away and got in bed and started thinking different. -Bernard Cohen

10 of your best dollars
an infinite amount of ur sickest moves
dancing is fucking required

Then we’ll grow up,
take our clothes off and
you remind me that
I wanted you to kiss me
when we find some time alone
And then we can do anything we want
And then we can do anything we want
And then we can do anything we want
And then we can do anything we want

Tequila cannot sing a ninety minute show.

This blog is dedicated to the emo bands of the 90s. There is always green grass fields, grace, spring, warm rain, the bright sadness and hopes for a brighter future. God bless you.

https://mega.nz/folder/sMky2CrI#XbTHg_zTZ0MMuHK6RtNezg

I want to be everything you’ve got to prove

Love, Peace, Poetry, and Hardcore

Never shoot at moving things just feels good in my hand
Makes me feel more threatening makes me feel like a man

You’re inside out, I learn you backwards
touch-shy and gun-ready

Goldstein: I suspect most gay people have fantasies about genocide.

In addition to the catfish there are 2000 Baptists and 2000 corncobs stuffed way too damn far up their respective assholes.

Even God gotta be a threesome.

A pretty case of paltry legacies

”From ’45-’47, I hung around this firehouse with all my friends,” he said. ”They were a great bunch of guys. Of course, that was back when firemen had no fancy gear, they went to work in jeans and used ladders made of wood.”

A mad scientist is still a scientist

You know that part of the night where everyone’s hats are just strewn all over the ground? It’s kind of like that

The darling of the universe

”i get scared when i see deer which scares the deer. that is beautiful.”

(Call you saint for a reason)

Love me and be not angry if I belong to another (reggio)

For the worst thing that could possibly happen this is going extremely well.

I found you at the north pole of saturn

And then we can do anything we want
And then we can do anything we want
And then we can do anything we want

no matter what the light is like there are just some kids who always have that gleam in their eye.cause they’re always holding back.

You’re moving like a movie, you still move me
Heaven hits me hard. Heaven hits me hardly

she sits behind three-times-nine locks; she sits behind three-times-nine keys; where the wind never blew, the sun never shone, and young heroes never saw her

STAY ALIVE
TRICK

fearfully and wonderfully made

400 of the most treacherous party girls this side of ibiza

All the world’s a couch -ellis

flip the switch because I think I need to have these thoughts in the dark

til I’m a still lake singing your reflection

Will we ever be kids on the train again?? This time is short, composed of bracketed, intimate infinities. I love you all. We may never play as we do now. We may lose our enemies and angels and live by other rules, in other worlds. It will be different. You are married with children, are living in Lima, are buried in West Virginia, are joining the USCG, are getting your PhD, are breaking her heart.
The tender invention of my life has so many moving parts, and it is yet too soon to say what it does. I live in the hope we are Amateurs forever.

2024. the last free election the world would ever see. harmony korine and chloe sevigny become martyrs of the regime. you chafe under the mantle of political lesbianism because you’re NOT A GIRL but don’t want to be a straight guy and don’t want to risk getting knocked up by a gay dude because it would just be awkward. you become bisexual stone top dark knight. you flirt with ecoterrorism and pursue a STEM masters to homebrew your friends’ hrt. you develop new kinks surrounding anti-facial recognition software attire. the nyc party scene goes stonewall, while the actual stonewall continues to primarily serve fidi bernie truthers. you wear heeled boots and a dress at a skramz revival show in denton, tx, where you are arrested for crossdressing in the presence of minors. you wear cargo pants and darken your peach fuzz moustache a little at a skramz revival show in denton, tx, where you are arrested for crossdressing in the presence of minors.

”You know what Waylon Jennings said about guys like him?” he whispered.
I shook my head.
”They’re doin’ to country music what pantyhose did to finger-fuckin’.”

America, we hardly knew you

My soul consents not to give sovereignty.

you won’t say,
”Better I had swung from the end of a rope
like a flag”-
you’ll put your foot down and live.
It may not be a pleasure exactly,
but it’s your solemn duty

Inter sacrum saxumque stare

unanimous vote to replace the WOMEN’S and MEN’S bathroom signage with ”drugs” and ”fucking”

grace and freckles

Plot knows how I got here. Here is a place that houses the danced around thing...Time is a time machine.

Pareidolia

”above or below, it doesn’t matter, the distance’s the same”

I thought you could be a good friend, and I could just like. be really into walking home alone.

To make love, turn to page 121.
To die, turn to page 172.

I leave you to your A game

you’ve never seen anything like this heartbreak on this girl

an inside deeper than you knew you had

its mysterious and fatal patience [...]
fully charged and all languishing [...]
which held love as two clouds hold lightning

Sadie lew
pure pipe
recovering Catholic
oh la la

are you on a mission?

everything he does contains at least some background level of bafflement for all involved.

made nonsense of knowledge

walked until I heard fireworks

James is pretty bold. He’s the boldest human I’ve ever met

When we’re most intense- who’ll flinch?

our deadly orange and black daydreams

Rules for living in winter

I change my blood in your direction

Dawn redwoods

John the Baptist comes crashing in, says big things but whatever he is, he’s human. Soon we are with Mary, an unwed teenager, an archangel shrinking to the size of her room.

Can’t even close to calm down. every human emotion in my bed and a few lower down the evolution. hard reset; 4 orgasms and a shower. for a long time killing myself was on the other side of everything. make coffee or kys. play guitar or kys. the constant hovering option.

Sometimes I feel like I’m really okandnormal as long as I don’t move. This is like if I couldn’t stop moving.

if you felt some kind of stirring
against interpretation
why these songs at all?
why not become didactic
tell everyone on the planet
in plain english
what you are

the constellation of violence

cui flavam religas comam
simplex munditiis

the scent of you allover
thin wrists moving under fire

I look at you more than 24 times a second
Camp out with me: we’re preadolescent. (Fall 1969)

It sounds like a dead body. Like so much blood, and too early.

But hold me fast and fear me not

I take a sip of my jasmine tea as Melissa takes up her cup again, saying, ”It’s the language and the longing that will stop Thalia from understanding the story.”

Tam Lin trans allegory

Calling out to different shorelines
Calling out for different basslines

I had been given this insight into myself, and there was nothing else I could do but say: I want to do this forever.

No hand to hold
still here it was: someone giving someone comfort and someone memorizing hard how to ask for it again

A HUMAN, high on human drugs, has been working on a POEM for months. Another HUMAN, high on human drugs, passes him a swishing red bottle of wine that he chugs, as they dance in a tunnel where they zip in and out of space, small points on a collapsing and reconstructing grid

you’re in the shower
I’m on your phone
I’d rather know
but I wish we could be friends

”treading a very thin line that none of them really want to cross.”
Hmmmm why does everyone think I’m using experimental language
”Sense of creating a shared mystery...encoding a really powerful emotion, even to the self” -nurkse
”There’s a restraint that’s beautiful and kind of heartbreaking I think. It reminded me of really great playwriting. There’s a certain amount of holding back tears so to speak.”
”unsteady”

Older, stranger, but still obviously Ronan.

Eyes in a laughing face
That light up fourteen worlds

Dooms men to death by information;
Rewards by hearsay.

She stains the time past, lights the time to come.

CARIOLA. Whether the spirit of greatness or of woman
Reign most in her, I know not; but it shows
A fearful madness. I owe her much of pity.
[Exit.]

And fix her in a general eclipse.

DUCHESS.
...For know, whether I am doom’d to live or die,
I can do both like a prince.

Rais’d by that curious engine, your white hand,

This darkness suits you well.

are you so far in love with sorrow
You cannot part with part of it?

The creative writing mfa building provides.

What happened to writing about things you didn’t know anything about? What’s with the four year fascination with everyone and everything around you? I think that was just because I didn’t know anything or anyone. But I should try to make stories up again.

**henry also goes by isabella

In my dream I am adept and agile and ruthless; scared of consequence. (rocco)

hey, dawn patrol

single lives, twin beds, and triple entendres

it’s called the dispo garde

in art, as in dreams, a horse is never just a horse

two individuals vaguely shy about their gender due to uncertainty of the other’s sexual orientation

theo and I’s love lives converging in magnitude on or close to the same night in november

hand me the fucking skein

it’s about young adult friction

Mim loved roses, and sometimes I think she is God.

As huge as your limitedness
Will let you get, no excess
...
Does sex ever make
You feel so specific
And alone, Jake, that your heart Could break?

She told me I fundamentally missed the point of Big Jacket
And what did you say?
Well, I told her to kill herself.

kai -> claire

a dream taking place in an askew caricature of seventeenth century France, where a violent love triangle plays out over multiple decades

I’ve seen it in the eyes of birds weaving on a stem of ragweed, voracious, singular, there is no one like me, Dickinson in her narrow bed, her cold clenched hands, her penmanship unreadable, even following a recipe for black cake, her black cake came out strange, lusher than the template, and every freak I ever met had that same look in their eyes
...
monarchic, imperious, wild, sad, and like every virgin queen, the need for love revolting and grand.

goodnight Ursa Major (UMa I dSph).
goodnight 24IC 1613 (UGC 662.350[8].

A red desert. The opposite of a sea. Its aftermath.

too many leaves to really see

like another child in an adult sport

I enter the stunning albeit rundown beaux-arts Baltimore Penn station, besieged by the dripped out visage of young man (I assume) hanging out on the bench (Baltimore Penn has benches). I turn and immediately encounter guy in his 60s-70s wearing a leather jacket and the kind of hat that takes some talent to pull off (which he is, by the grace of god, endowed with). I have long and lonely believed that dmv contemporaries are cooler by miles than the average brooklynite, being a group of people who do not rely on their parents’ money to pay for a $1200 sublet in bushwick/absolutely bust their ass to pay for a $1200 sublet in bushwick for mysterious reasons. and are therefore a wiser and more interesting group of individuals. I could not cut it here.

And now, this love is praecox feeling
And now, this love is aspect dawning

Also apparent was the stress of writing thousands of lines of code on a timeline that was tight even by Apollo’s standards- one section that made it into the final version was marked ”TEMPORARY, I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE.”

Warvels are the kindest and youngest animals you will ever see. They arrange themselves in rows in order to practice teamwork and they’ve got very loud mating calls.

and if by some retarded freak of nature

I felt no sorrow. I was the desert

try to love someone entirely omitting ____

Those were the reasons and that was New York

God, no, I have not been doing teen self surgery.

Real men invent their own sperm

You’re not fit to lick the boots of my real gay friends.
Well, I don’t want to lick the boots of your real gay friends.

It was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And probably the man would have been happier to be alive. He was, in fact, dead. It would be hard to be deader without special training.

Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice -- i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn’t the world for it.

there is always one guaranteed witness to any homicide. It's his job.

YOUNG MAN, I AM THE FACT.

The three of them took turns chasing each other, an interaction both complicated and dazzling.

iron and irony

The san diego skyline splits the picture like a resplendently infected wound. The highway at dusk in a slow swirl below, like a trickle of mercury on undisturbed, black water. We fling ourselves into night. My clock hallucinates hours I never lived.

”Because,” he said. Click on this word, he thought, and you will find links to everything it means. Because you are my oldest friend. Because once, when I was at my lowest, you saved me. Because I might have died without you or ended up in a children’s psychiatric hospital. Because I owe you. Because, selfishly, I see a future where we make fantastic games together, if you can manage to get out of bed. ”Because,” he repeated.

you think you’re something special kid just cause you keep spacin out?

Anders, you talk about love more than any mathematician I know.

my dad says very simply that he believes I’m here to make something

this music is like a ribbon unfurling

Please tell me if you have been changed by this book. Let’s be in this world together.

I write in pixels (annie)

And what they did I cannot tell-- The green leaves were between.

I quit my body when I please /
I quit my body when I will And take to it again

Imagine stalking people in a world of long shadows