summer 2025, still updating.






There is none like thee among the dancers

Logorrheic in crisis

Stands in the corner dangerously

the ephemera is still in suitcases and I can’t yet turn to it to locate me when I’m scared. Ellis thinks I know who I am, and I do to be honest, but I can be persuaded otherwise, and I can be sickened by it. It’s impossible for me to keep my whole life in mind. I think I need to exist to myself.

”Ethan I’ve been drinking. I hope I am, I hope you are, a ghost wearing the skin of an angel.”

I will always regret cruelty more than misplaced kindness. I will always want to forgive you. I will always admire you you in the deep end of spirit.

It was an interview with Henry Miller, his point was about having a Tibet within- A birdhouse in your soul?- Yes exactly- They might be- They might be, they could, and they are.

jaws wine (not a typo); the only araki movie I didn't torrent in high school

She’s got all her worldly possessions in her backpack and that’s including spray paint. They’re sitting next to a church and he says why don’t you paint that wall? And she paints cockroaches and jellyfish. And he says that’s pretty good, and he paints skulls, and she realizes it’s him. And he leaves her a 14 million dollar painting. Which she’s loved since she was a little girl.
That’s pretty awesome.
It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. Listen to this: ”...They’ve never met, but it doesn’t matter. Art teaches us to mourn one another.”

Entering rabbitholes and staying there for days. Not breaching for air or making recourse to baseline.

What you think of me is up for investigation

the last notes section was 5,180 words and 3,018 of them were mine. I want it to be read by like five people, or no one, or literally anyone who’d get it. I am well acquainted with the trade off. But what I need is just consolidation and that was the whole original point of easily command-f-navigable documents no one looked at. and I need to stash longer stuff somewhere.

Like at easter when they swing the thurible, and there’s wood and lillies and tall candles in the hot talent show spotlight, and he’s in a black suit if you can call it that, it’s a kind of unconvincing black, linen black. his hair is full of sweat. I want to write with that kind of heady simplicity. I wrote something immediately after I heard it the first time but it doesn’t really matter without sound. I miss playing piano at school so bad. I wish I was a baritone. and I will find you who has nothing to say.

”Fern and mercy. Form and dream destroyed. Need the cliff torn down. To hold hands and stare down the raw void of the day.
Be my contraband.”

real true dichotomies

”Ryan has done a, a work of literature in my private messages.”

It’s always good to have something or someone you don’t understand: spooky action at a distance

I spend the day going back and forth on the red line and not telling anyone. I spend the day looking at beech trees and wondering whether it’s worth it to buy cigs up here. Sometimes I think everything had to happen the way it did, and at the end I wouldn’t change it, or forfeit aftermath. I think about inevitability and distances, and how somewhere there’s a number constantly calculating, classified to god, until it’s 0. Though one time it infared into the negatives.
My dad wanted me to get an earlier train. I played the end half of Heavy Metal for him as we trespassed through wild green warrens of 12 1/2 mph driveways, trying to see the lake. I’m ok, I’m glad I got the late one. Harvard and trees. I think I’m ok. I wish I had more time to go to the playground or mycelium or something with n/t/m, but I wanted to be able to see the graffiti along the railroad. I kind of just like existing though. Same as going to anything else alone. I should stop avoiding it so often.

Though I wouldn’t really wanna meet someone who was

It’s turning off the ac to hear the music better

Deep down, you would not rather be taming horses.

”to me the best kind of art paints a target in the silhouette of the artist and fires with impunity”

so up her alley I thought I was in her backyard

Remember, when you’re dancing, to leave room for sex

I look like the part of me that loves this

Contenders for gayest diss tracks ever

between your f-stop and your other F stop

your writing has good posture